Today was another fantastic day spent with my parents. I was too tired to be truly present with what was happening until we had a moment to stop. I needed a sleep to recoup, and it was only 20 minutes of rest. True exhaustion.

We went to a Banksy exhibit which my Mum was really excited to go to. Only when I sat down at the end of the day did I realise that I really don’t know my Mum at all. My sadness came up with this realisation. I reminded myself, it is okay, this is new territory we are venturing into. I will get what I want from this. I will get to know my Mum, I will get to know my Dad. How I am showing up right now will get me what my heart desires. I will get what my heart and soul has always desired – to know my parents and for my parents to know me.

My Mum’s excitement and awe at the Banksy show was energising. Maybe I am not so different to them. My discontent is the difference in my knowledge of them, of them to me.

My Mum asked me what shirt I was wearing. I told her Offspring, it was one of the best shows I have been to in awhile. I told her that Offspring was the first concert I saw in Canada. At that show, they played an acoustic version of a song I had heard many times, but the first time I heard the acoustic version and it rocked me. I asked her if I could play the song for her. She agreed. I asked her if she could guess who I thought of. I sat behind her, unable to see her face, singing the song softly as it played, watching her back to see if I could see the signs of her recognition. I noticed small micro changes in the side of her face. Unsure if I was really seeing what I thought. She holds her cards very close to her chest.

When the song finished playing, I walked in front of her to where the speaker was and I looked her in the eyes, a rare occurrence for me, to look someone directly in the eyes. There were tears in her eyes. She knew, she told me ‘yes’ when I questioned if she knew, and I wanted her to say it out loud, so I pressed her again.

She replied “Grandma”. It was a moment.

~~~

We had spent the day, the three of us, up Grouse Mountain. We can see across to Grouse from our apartment. We woke to the most stunning morning. It started cloudless, picture perfect. There is still snow up on the mountain top. I packed extra warn clothing for my parents as I didn’t want them to be cold. I packed a scarf for my Mum, she always wears scarves, but she didn’t bring any on this trip. The scarf was knitted by my Great Aunt for my Grandma. Mum had forgotten she had given it to me. She also told me she had a bag just like the one I had packed all the warm things in. I told her it looked the same, because it was the same, it was her bag she had forgotten on her last trip. I loved her confusion at it all.

We trudged through the snow, slowly, carefully. I held Mum’s hand the whole way. Just like a child, I cared for her ever so sweetly. Not trying either, it came naturally. Caring always comes so naturally to me, it always has. I valued the experience. Just when she said she wanted a break, a lady coming the opposite way told us we were nearly there and that the bears were out. She was encouraged to keep going and to see two Grizzly bears newly out of hibernation was a real treat. They were magnificent.

They played together, and explored apart. Grinder was deeply enthralled with a half constructed igloo the Rangers had made for him. He was focused on renovating the hideyhole, making it bigger by digging and digging. Digging so much we were sure the roof would collapse. Instead, he created a window in the side and stuck his nose out. Coola, the other bear, came over eventually and just sat at the entrance. He tried to go into the igloo as well, but Grinder was occupying all the space, creating too much commotion. Coola was attempted to be coaxed onto the weight scale with a marshmallow but was too out of it and groggy to take any interest.

Dinner was very good as well. A favourite of my parents from their last visit. I ordered so many things from the menu. You could tell the waiter didn’t think I could eat all of it, and yet I did. Mum and Dad “shared” a dessert with Mum taking part of her allocation, and without her noticing, Dad finished the rest. When Mum turned back, she exclaimed at Dad “What happened to the creme brûlée!?”. We couldn’t stop laughing. My Dad cries when he laughs a lot. It’s my favourite.

I was so busy today, I forgot to take stock of the love I felt for my parents. This is true for so many of my days. Too busy to realise the beauty of the moment. The moment passing me by and I am not noticing it.

I am sitting in it now.