the k trip

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Tag: grief

  • An unexpected derailment

    Kate

    My cousin died yesterday. No warning. Gone. They were only in their 40s. Working on the farm, driving machinery and it was stopped in the field. My uncle went over to see what was going on. They were slumped over the steering wheel. Just called Mum and Dad. Dad didn’t want to talk about it.… Read more

  • You are now entering the Anger Zone

    Kate

    Today was confusing as hell. I think I experienced all the main emotions. My thoughts are currently everywhere, my head hurts and my heart’s a mess. I made my neighbour cry. I made my neighbour cry with my words. I made my neighbour cry tears of love with the words I wrote in a card… Read more

  • 15 minutes of grief

    Kate

    I gave the idea of 15 minutes of grief to a friend recently. Today when I woke up, I was everywhere at the same time. As I followed my thoughts through the chaos maze, I found myself staring at my own words: 15 minutes of grief. The thing with me is I don’t often take… Read more

  • You do not have to carry this

    Kate

    This morning I went to a sober dance meet with a friend for their birthday. It was my first time there. I have wanted to go for so long, but the resistance in my to good things has always stopped me. I made a card before I went. A practice of giving love with no… Read more

  • Blindsided, betrayed, broken hearted: another Saturday

    Kate

    Every step in my healing career has been a surprise, and yet today took me completely unawares. I don’t know how much I have in me to detail what happened. A supposedly close confidant took action on my behalf without asking my permission, input, feedback. This person has been in my corner for a long… Read more

  • Breaking my own heart

    Kate

    My heart feels like it is breaking apart. A kaleidoscope of my fragmented memories with a cocktail mixture of feelings poured over it. Trying to make sense of how all the pieces fit together. The shame that glues the pieces of my broken heart back together is melting very quickly. Too quickly to keep up… Read more

  • Happy sadness

    Kate

    My parents leave for their next leg of their trip and I am not going with them. Today when I checked in with Little Kate, she told me she was sad, and that it was happy sadness. I stopped myself from thinking more about my parents’ departure to prevent myself from wailing like a separation… Read more

  • I reach to the sky, and call on your name

    Kate

    Today was another fantastic day spent with my parents. I was too tired to be truly present with what was happening until we had a moment to stop. I needed a sleep to recoup, and it was only 20 minutes of rest. True exhaustion. We went to a Banksy exhibit which my Mum was really… Read more

  • Tears are an honour

    Kate

    The beautiful thing about yesterday’s heaviness was the tears that came unexpectedly and intensely. I haven’t cried like that for a long time. As I learnt in my Ketamine Therapy group, which is based on First Nation teachings, tears are an honour. We must treasure them when they come to us. I have been searching… Read more

  • 7 years of missing you

    Kate

    Today is the anniversary of my Grandma’s death. I miss her all the time. I keep asking the heavens for a sign that she is with me, and it feels very silent from up there. My Grandma was my maternal figure in life. It hurts to write that, as I know that statement will hurt… Read more

  • I stopped believing in Heaven at 8 years old

    Kate

    I stopped believing in Heaven at 8 years old. While I was at it, I threw God out of the realm of possibilities as well. When my Grandad died, I stopped a lot of things. I stopped my tears from falling. I stopped caring about myself. A distance grew between me and my parents. A… Read more

the k trip