Today was confusing as hell. I think I experienced all the main emotions. My thoughts are currently everywhere, my head hurts and my heart’s a mess.

I made my neighbour cry. I made my neighbour cry with my words. I made my neighbour cry tears of love with the words I wrote in a card for them.

It was so lovely and surprising to be greeted by my friend with dementia today. They remembered who I was.

I can’t really remember how the rest of the day transpired because today I met my anger in its purest form. It was a sweet and gentle introduction. It nearly caused an out of body experience. I managed to have enough awareness and grit to reel her back in. I want to be in my body, I want to feel it all. Damn, is this not the weirdest experience. And that’s truly saying something.

I was introduced to my anger shortly after I had asked myself what I was hiding. I had the realisation earlier in the day that I was overeating, over-everything. More, more, more. Gluttony in its finest form. ‘What am I hiding?’ I asked myself. Nearly straightway the response came: anger.

I wish I had it in me to explain all the ins and outs. Truthfully, I think this one is reserved for my book. It deserves the raw experience of writing while it is happening.

I don’t know what I am doing. I was just coming up for air when this happened. Maybe I am ready for this experience and I just don’t know it for sure. I feel like I am in very deep water.

Getting to the anger phase of the stages of grief is very sobering and very scary.

I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.

Just one day at a time, like all the other days.

Lots of love,

Kate