Today was perfect. The Little Girl in me could feel the love from my parents. I hadn’t really decided as such, coz I hadn’t thought about it. I just showed up exactly as I am, and was met with so much love.

In my current form, this is a huge achievement for me. Because I don’t really know who I am. I really have no clue. All I know is that I exist in this world believing I am either too much or not enough. There is no in between. Today I tried on for size this middle ground. It felt really good.

The Little Girl in me came up strongly when I was having Mapacho after our visit to the Tulip farm. I was asking for alertness and focus to be able to concentrate for the long drive home. I am exhausted as it is, so lack of sleep last night and then a full day of activities with me as the sole driver was a lot. I can’t have caffeine or stimulants or even sugar on this diet. So I needed some plant medicine strength.

Little Kate came up very strongly during my short session, and she firmly reminded me of her desire for her sadness to be seen, and showed me the fear and/or terror that goes along with that, goes along with feeling love. It’s so complicated still, and I reminded her that all can be true at the same time, and that’s okay. I am here to feel her sadness, to help her process it. I can handle her fear. I have trust issues too, as well as hers, so that makes a lot of sense.

Today was not the day to show my parents these parts of me. I will hold these parts for her. I will choose to communicate our story to them in the right time. I reminded her that today and the next few days was about love and having fun. Her desires are very much on the agenda, just not yet. I asked her if she could feel how much our parents love me, us, and she said she could feel it, and that they don’t know her.

She is right. A lot of validating today. A lot of accepting the complicated partnerships in my life. My god, it was beautiful to be having fun with my parents. To see them be playful and silly, and utterly drunk on lack of sleep. I communicated boundaries and my stance oh so gently too. Both can exist at the same time.

I did such a good job today of existing. Viewing my parents as children themselves still was the right choice. I wish I could post a photo of their happy faces too, but I want to ask them first for permission.

Instead I leave you with a photo showing Little Kate beaming through me.

Today was a good day, finally. And the kids are alright.

Lots of love,

Kate