Cora was very sick last night. This morning she was bleeding and so off to the Emergency Vet we went. She is always so popular at the vet and this time was no different.

My mind went to the worst place, of course. Catastrophising. Last night in my journal I had written that I thought when I got to a steady place in my healing that she would leave this earth. As though she had been sent to me on temporary assignment to get me through my darkest days, and would be relieved of duty when I got better.

I certainly don’t feel my best, yet. I know it’s coming. I don’t want her to leave me any time soon.

They treated her for her symptoms. They gave her two shots and she seemed pretty content after. Though that is probably the drowsiness of the medication. At least she is less stressed out, and we won’t be stressed out together trying to get her oral medication.

This felt like a stern reminder that I have not adopted her yet. One of the many things on my endless to-do list.

I hate Monday’s. Tomorrow is Monday and I plan to do everything in my power to action a lot of these to-do items that keep me stuck in my life. I made a bold attempt on Friday, but it seemed things were stacked against me. I couldn’t get through phone lines. One road block after the next. Even just the thought of what is to come tomorrow makes me feel stuck. Try as I might, I just can’t get through these tasks. How do I get through these things? Part of me wants to do it and another part, a bigger part, keeps me stagnant in them. Why?

I have also been trying to work hard at integrating my Impulsive Self. It seems like a ‘too hard’ basket as well. I will keep trying.

I have been trying to be off my phone less too. I was pretty proud of my effort the last few days and when I checked my screen time average for this last week and compared it to this week just gone, they are the same amount of time. 1 minute longer this last week gone. Guess I only tried my hardest for four of the days. Meaning I only started four days ago. Patience, young whippersnapper.

Lots of love,

Kate