The Full Moon is a time to cleanse what no longer serves. I chose rejection as tonight’s theme as this is the most prominent lesson I am receiving. The past has a funny way of showing up in the present. I don’t want to get rid of the feelings of rejection either. I don’t want to just drop-kick it to the curb. No, I want to process it, make friends with it, honour the past, honour my story.

In a Full Moon ceremony I got to speak to the origins of my intention. I got to say it in a safe space with loving witnesses. I practiced taking up the space I so frequently deny myself of standing in.

Exposure therapy of the best kind.

I think, on the drive home, I got closer to what I want to write about in the beginning of my book. I want to explain how things were for me growing up. How little I understood what was happening to me, what was happening within me, and how I experienced the world as a result.

I have experienced so much rejection. Yet the lessons are only just coming to me right now. I should say the beginnings of the lessons as I can’t even comprehend how it is going to feel for me when I process and release the weight of this baggage. Baggage I didn’t even know I was carrying.

Healing happens in community.

What an honour it was to still be alive to witness the majesty of tonight’s moon. What a glorious sight to behold. To think, if I had of succeeded in my darkest of intentions, I would not have experienced today.

I solidified my intention to purge my physical space, my digital space and improve my financial health. I am doing this to make space for me to take up the space that I deserve to take up. I can’t know what it is going to be like on the other side of this process. I can’t comprehend what it will feel like to live this way, as all I have ever known is chaos and disorder. I feel both scared and excited. The excited part is new and I welcome it with open arms. This feeling in my body now is like catching a glimpse of where we are going. What a wild road trip this has been so far, and we are only just getting started.

I cancelled plans today to focus on the purge of my digital space. I was immediately met with resistance in me. My worry and/or doubtful self. I asked her questions of what she thought, and she shared some dark ones. After each block of three I responded in a calm and loving way ‘You are loved. You are safe. We will get through this together. Tell me more.’ And so she heard me and kept telling me more stuff. At the end, or when I thought she was done, or had run out of steam, I said ‘None of this is surprising for me. I have thought all of this myself. Now what are we going to do about it.’

I explained the plan, but this experience tonight with the moon helped to solidify where we are going.

I really want to go to my favourite camp ground next week. Tickets are completely sold out.

The work I do in the lead up will create space for achieving this goal. If it doesn’t happen, I will be okay with it. Going for a trip to this place has been the highlight of my year for each year I have gone there. It really is an unreal place to experience. Each time is so different and I love it so much.

I feel I might sleep well tonight. How I long for a deep, restful nighttime experience. To sleep like a log is a dream.

Lots of love,

Kate