One thing I know I am, for sure, is relentless.

Today I wanted to give up, throw in the towel. I try so hard and I get tired.

This is a test though. I know I am about to level up. I have to be. You can’t get to feeling this hopeless, feel this pathetic, worthless, like the big failure I am. You don’t get to feel all that without some sort of reprieve up ahead. I refuse to believe any different.

So if this is a test, then I continued to complete my regular tasks in the lead up for attempting to sleep. I have nearly done them all.

I am also adding into that my therapy group homework. I had two weeks to finish it and I did sweet FA of it. Listen to a self-compassion video. I think I am still of the mindset I don’t need self-compassion, which inevitably means that I most certainly do need it.

I did my own assigned homework instead. Assigned homework in the form of saying ‘I love you’ while staring at my eyes in the mirror. Saying it convincing too, no half-assing it. I did my 15 mins of grief, which honestly, was a very special moment. I continued working on my new puzzle. It’s surpassingly very fun. I read instead of scrolled. I napped when I really needed it, and pushed through when I thought I could go without. These are little moments which probably don’t count for much for others, but they are keeping me afloat at the moment. Self-compassion, you sneaky devil.

I tried my absolute best this last week. I am getting better all the time. I want to be at the finish line already though. And sometimes your best is simply just not enough.

Inner Critic, is that you?

Oh, Kate. Come off it now. You did your best. Let it be enough. It is enough. You are enough.

Patient, I most certainly am not. Yet.

Lots of love,

Kate