I was told, with almost certainty, this part of the trip would not be good for my plant medicine. I didn’t listen and now I am paying the price. I regret saying yes to this portion of the trip. This environment is not conducive for my goals.
My attitude, or lack of, is a culmination of the previous days of my trip, overtired, under nourished, lack of down time. I slept solidly today for two hours in a very uncomfortable position, unbeknownst to me. I was dead asleep. A short reprieve. I felt great after my rest. I am but a house plant these days.
I tell ya what though, being off social media is doing me wonders. Killing my phone addiction one day at a time. It’s crazy to think of how much time we spend on our phones. Jerry did a bit about how obsessed we as a society are about our phones. We take so many pictures, and for what end. I take them for myself as a record of what I have done so I can remember with the visual prompt. Then I saw a video about if we spend 3 hours on our phones from the age of 16 to 69, or something like that, we will have spent 10 solid years on our phones. 10 years of non-stop exposure to the screen. I hated seeing that video. So much lost life. I don’t want that for myself. You can’t lose if you stop playing the game.
I am reaching the end of my tether. I can’t wait to be home again with my cat. Four days of sleep on the cards. They say you never repay your sleep debt.
What I feel most anxious and unsure about is that I am due to end my plant medicine diet in June. I don’t feel ready for it. This time period since my last Ayahuasca ceremony has been one of unsure footing. It hasn’t been how I envisioned it. I want more for it, and yet I do not possess the energy for it. When I get home, I want to realign myself. Refocus. I feel really out of sorts. Lost.
Yet I am finding myself with my parents. I am discovering who they really are, as opposed to who I want them to be.
Sleep is my favourite thing at the moment.
Another favourite for day was ticking off a bucket list item. The reason I became an engineer. Hoover Dam. In the flesh. What an engineering marvel. So hard to believe they had the foresight back then to build something ever lasting. To stand the test of time. My goal in life, only recently, to create something to stand the test of time. I am anxious to get working on it.
My Mum reached her breaking point today. I got to be the calm to her bite. I got her answers when she needed them, was too exhausted to get them herself. I knew she would want a hot tea, and so I managed to get her that. No kettle available. $5.80 each for a cup of hot water, until the lady at the cashier told me the hack to buy a product to get a free hot water. Lucky she told us that. I can’t believe how expensive it is to exist in this world. I don’t feel like I will ever get ahead. I won’t ever get ahead in my current form. Time evolve.
Lots of love,
Kate