I swear one of these days I won’t be suffering from exhaustion. I am so tired, I don’t want to do this tonight. I know I will regret it if I don’t though.

Today was another jam packed day, no time for rest.

My Mum patting me on the back while I laid curled up next to her was a full circle moment.

Taking my parents to visit a waterfall was magic.

Taking my parents to see one of my favourite camping spots, located on First Nation land. Their first time seeing drift wood of that size, piled up that densely.

Like an elephant graveyard.

Sharing parts of my journal, my drinking retirement, my no drugs for a year goal, my journey with my plant medicine and Ayahuasca. I oddly felt rejected after, even with positive reviews from those present. I realised after, while having a Mapacho to calm down, my rejection was actually a longing to curl up and cry with my parents. They questioned about how I knew my memories to be real. I came back inside and explained that I wish my memories weren’t real, there is a reason why I “forgot” my life. As I process the bad, it creates space for the good.

Difficult conversations are never one and done. No. There are too many layers to peel back and explain for it to just be one conversation. I so badly just want to extract all that I know and to give it to them. It isn’t possible and that isn’t fair. Slowly but surely, step by step. I am treading the path I was destined for.

Mum’s consistent, reassuring pats were her response to be stating I just wanted to curl up and cry with them. My rejection feeling. A childhood longing, playing out in real time.

Lots of love,

Kate