I arrived at the retreat location after more than 12 hours of transit time. Hardly any sleep again. You’d think I’d be used to this by now.
I don’t know what my intention will be. Probably need a decent sleep to be able to muster the courage to write it all out. Thoughts swirling all over the place.

I know I need to go backwards to go forwards. I know it’s going to hurt. It’s going to hurt a lot. I’m scared. My Little Kate is scared. We are trying hard to trust the plant medicine, which has been sternly encouraged multiple times. I don’t know what the resistance in me for doing this is. Our plant medicine has helped us so much so far. Maybe it’s not the lack of trust with ourselves or the plant medicine, maybe it’s the lack of trust with the support we will get.
We don’t *need* anyone else but ourselves. We *want* people to be there for us. The reality is our story is too fucked up and complex to make it easy for anyone to stick around, family included. Family especially. Maybe that’s the resistance to trusting the process – anticipating disappointment… ouch.

I’m still just a lost little girl. Time to go find her and give her what she needs.

Lots of love,

Kate