Happy Birthday, Grandad. I hope you are watching over me. I hope I am making you proud. It took me such a long time to be ready to be grown up. I still don’t feel my age.

I hope memories come back to me about you. For my favourite person in the world, I don’t know very much about you.

Maybe you helped aid the return of my beloved necklace today, eh. I really needed that guardian angel, magic. Things were getting pretty dark for me again. Oddly, it’s a dark place I have been before, but this darkness feels different. The haze is not as thick, yet it surrounds more of me. I learned last night in my From Surviving to Thriving CPTSD book that suicidal ideation can be an emotional flashback. It made my world make a bit more sense when reading that.

I know there is more for me to write to you, but I am trying my hardest to get to sleep early. It’s really hard to do.

I will meet you in my dreams.

I miss you so much, Grandad. I know I haven’t grieved your loss yet. I will work on that.

Lots of love,

Kate