“When you’re the target, attack. When you’re being pursued, stand still. If someone offers you their hand, you show them your fist.” – Frank Harkness

The time has come for me to listen to the yearning to rest. I have been fighting the tiredness and exhaustion with doing more. It’s not working. My body is screaming at me to be still. I haven’t been listening. Trying to go against the grain of what my nervous system is trying to tell me. Continually on alert, using all the energy within me to keep forging on.

What I have learned many times, always the hard way, is to do the opposite of what I have been doing. Time to stand still. Rest. Sleep. Sometimes doing something counterintuitive to your regular program can feel like stepping back a few paces, which actually puts you further ahead in the long run.

I will try it on for size.

I can feel the panic stored in my body needing a healthy outlet too. I truthfully don’t know what to do with this energy. The cure will probably be the opposite as well. Will report back when I know more about this too.

I didn’t go to the integration session today like I wanted to either. I wanted to share about how I was integrating my teenage self. I guess I could write about that on here, once I have strung my scattered thoughts together a bit more.

I feel like I am a failure in life. Maybe this life is in preparation for my next life. I won’t stop trying, I won’t. But it’s hard to keep going without having a destination or end point to strive for. What am I doing with my life? Comparison kills me slowly. A slow death of my own accord. The urge to tear everything down is very real. I desperately don’t want to do that. I have fought so hard to get to this point.

What am I aiming for?

Lots of love,

Kate